We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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