I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
