This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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