So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
