I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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