Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
