how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize