took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
