Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize