Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
