Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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