i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
worst night to have a conscience
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
