he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
