Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
