the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize