I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
