How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
