Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
