Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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