Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
