apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to calm my uterus...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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