i already hear my dad disowning me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
zippers are such a cool invention
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
