The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just puked most of my soul out..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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