the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
