I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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