He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
