sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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