Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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