Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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