I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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