Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
