I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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