Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
