You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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