So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
