apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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