he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
