I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
