I hate your face
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
