dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
