His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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