I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
