Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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