so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
