Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
