i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
