I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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