So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
