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the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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