why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
