Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
