Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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