first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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