I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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