My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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