smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
