like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
