my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
