I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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