god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
