Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
