I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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