haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
