he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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