I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
