I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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