Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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