i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
