Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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