Do you still have your period?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
