she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
