Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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